Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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