last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
