'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
