I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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