I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
