No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
