I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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