I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize