so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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