Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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