Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
