I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
