That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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