I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
