just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
