So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
