It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
