I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
