i just wanna soil my oats bro
the condom got lost in my hair
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
