highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Two words: blizzard sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
