You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
