Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
