I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
