I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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