It's Friday. Sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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