I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
