y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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