I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize