She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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