Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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