My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
