Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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