wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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