So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
