I'm sorry my penis didn't work
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
