sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
