I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
