if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
