Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You don't make any sense
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