There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
