You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
