I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
