We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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