I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
