The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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