dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
