sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
