Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
