Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize