Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
