his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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