Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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