Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize