I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize