And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
