dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
