Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
