Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
