the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
