Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
