that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
