i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
