After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just invented taco cereal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
